Page 22 - NYWaste-Spring2014

22 New York waste resurrectioN issue 2014
Even though you may not have been around – as in perhaps not even born yet – you’ll have no doubt heard all over the place and elsewhere lately that it’s been, yes, over 2600 weeks since that act you’ve known for all those years first invaded NYC,
drew 73 million viewers to a certain Ed Sullivan Show and, well, forever changed the world from the hairline on downwards.
Nevertheless, at the risk of bursting any remaining sacred Beatle bubbles, I thought I should take this opportunity to bring to your undivided attention, a half-century after the facts and purely in the interest of public service, a grand ceremonial total
of... FIFTY FAB FIBS: Things that are Just Not True about You-Thought-
You-Knew-Who
1. John Lennon was a working class hero.
2. Paul McCartney could sing Little Richard better than anybody else in his neighborhood.
3. George Harrison could play “Raunchy” better than anybody else ...at least on a particular local bus route.
4. Stu Sutcliffe couldn’t play bass,or, for that matter...
5. Pete Best couldn’t play drums.
6. The Beatles were the best rock and roll band Hamburg had ever seen ...or heard.
7. The Beatles, once they got home from Hamburg, were the best rock and roll band in Liverpool.
8. The Beatles could have – in fact, would have gotten a recording contract even if Brian Epstein had never entered The Cavern.
9. The Beatles would have made such great, great records even if George Martin had never been assigned to twiddle their knobs, as it were.
10. John Lennon would have gotten to know Spain just as well had Brian Epstein never twiddled his... oh, never mind.
14. Such was The Beatles’ instantaneous appeal to even juvenile delinquents across the North American continent, not a single crime was committed by a teenager during the one hour it took to broadcast the February 9, 1964 Ed Sullivan Show
(...I happen to know this to be untrue, as a house just two blocks over from my parents’ had a porch light burgled that very night, somewhere between Tessie O’Shea and “Till There Was You”).
15. Ringo was the best actor in A Hard Day’s Night.
16. Ringo was the best actor in The Beatles (...though he was the best drummer in the band).
17. Paul McCartney never laid a hand on Peggy Lipton during the Beatles’ 1964 North American tour.
18. Bob Dylan brought along his own pot during the Beatles’ 1964 North American tour.
19. “I Feel Fine” featured the first feedback ever heard on record.
20. “Ticket To Ride” featured the first heavy metal ever heard on record.
21. The Beatles brought along their own pot during the making of Help! Which reminds me...
22. Help! was a great movie. It never should have starred The Dave Clark Five instead.
23. “Yesterday” was the first Mersey ballad George Martin ever scored for strings.
24. “Norwegian Wood” was the first ballad, Mersey or otherwise, ever scored for sitar.
25. In truth, “Norwegian Wood” was about a clandestine affair John Lennon was conducting with journalist Maureen Cleave at the time
...or maybe it was Peggy Lipton.
26. Rubber Soul was the Beatles’ “folk-rock” album (...at least in America it was).
27. Rubber Soul was Brian Wilson’s inspiration behind The Beach Boys’ Party! album.
28. The original Yesterday ...and Today album “butcher cover” was the Beatles’ reaction to (a) the Vietnam war, (b) Capitol Records’ bastardizations of their
11. The Beatles refused to invade American until scoring a number one record there first.
12. John F. Kennedy’s assassination helped The Beatles get a number one record
in America.
13. Plus, of course, there was no really good rock and roll on the American charts after Elvis went in the Army, was there?